On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom. This was the scene of ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home
almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.

Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes. Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.

Dew said, "You are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls. Thinking of this, I
became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn't help doing so. I moved Dew's hands aside and said," You go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company." Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible
to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together.
Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slight joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn't
imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my
subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me," He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together." I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more. When my wife served the last dish, I held her
hand. "I've got something to tell you," I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want to divorce. I raised a serious topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I'm serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me," You are not a man!"

At that night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me, her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer. A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month's time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me," He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?" This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said," I remember." "You carried me in your arms," she continued," So, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning."

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention as explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly," Let us start from today, don't tell our son." I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me," The outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there."

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vaguer.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.

I didn't tell Dew about this. I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her," It seems not difficult to carry you now."

She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed," All my dresses have grown fatter." I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to
touch her head.

Our son came in at the moment. "Dad, it s time to carry mum out," he said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said," Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old." I held her tightly and said," Both you and I didn't notice that our life was lack of such intimacy."

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the
door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her," Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious." She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. "You
got no fever," she said. I moved her hand off my head. "Sorry, Dew," I said," I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am
supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you."

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into cry. I walked downstairs and drove to the office. When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote -- I'll carry you out every morning until we are old.

- Taken from Terrence's Blog

I feel that it's quite a sweet story. (:

Just another day. =] no more monday blues
Boring CIP~ ):
MORE TOASTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D - READ THIS LINE EVEN IF U DUN TAG LUH ~ mian bao mian bao chao ren



Determined to work hard towards that ''goal'' !
For now it shall be kept unknown.

"Valentine"
(Martina Mcbride feat. Jim Brickman)

if there were no words
no way to speak
i would still hear you
if there were no tears
no way to feel inside
i'd still feel for you

and even if the sun refused to shine
even if romance ran out of rhyme
you would still have my heart until the end of time
you're all i need, my love, my Valentine.

all of my life
i have been waiting for
all you give to me
you've opened my eyes
and shown me how to love unselfishly

i've dreamed of this a thousand times before
in my dreams i couldn't love you more
i will give you my heart
until the end of time
you're all i need, my love, my Valentine

and even if the sun refused to shine
even if romance ran out of rhyme
you would still have my heart until the end of time
'cause all i need is you, my Valentine
you're all i need, my love, my Valentine

* * *

Thanks SiTing for the song! It's really nice.

Finally, all the projects & presentations ended. Racing against time to meet the deadlines is definitely no fun. Burning midnight oil and having to wake at 6plus the next day is torturous.Dozing off during bus rides to and fro. Now that it's all over, the next BIG thing coming up will the exams scheduled on 21st to 24th August. I've started my revision on stats and maybe shall revise econs later. Be motivated yeah! Ace all the modules~

Tutorials and lecture for some modules have ended this week. Great! It means I can be home earlier for some days. Sheesh I have pon a particular lecture for twice. But ain't feeling guilty at all. =p

My mood has been like a roller coaster. I think I need to really relax and stop giving myself unnecessary stress. I've sort out my thinkings during bus rides. Yeah brave through all the storms and it makes a better me. =) I'll not be affected by anything anymore. Aquarius are real sensitive people even over trival stuffs. I shall try kill away the over- sensitiveness in me. Kill the sensitive emo monster.

Cha cha & Jive assessment next week. We still suck at the last part of chacha. =x
No sch on Fri. :)

Looking forward to the 7weeks of holidays.

Happy (belated) b'day to all July babies. =3

Somehow I wish you are here ...

All I want is someone who can listen to me.
Something is missing.

It's just another day to MONDAY! ._.

Did some econs in the morning and I really hate it. All the different market structures. So many and all the graphs are confusing me already. And worst was that I found out my article was 1995 and only recent articles can be used. Well done. I've to search for new article.

I'm so in ''love'' with school.

Gotta clear all these pile of work so that I can spend tml working on the analysis of articles coz I need factiva in order to find articles. I just cannot find any suitable ones online.



Oh ya. My CATS presentation was on Friday and that was also our last lesson. :D Happy and abit sad la. But had loads of fun working with these bunch of people. Those Saturdays we spend at atrium & outside. Wheeeee we gonna choose the same IS slot if possible. Yeah my meimei Xuanfang~

Went for S&W. Was pretty fun. Melvin din come so the guy from DS took us. He kept repeating very good and made us had a good laugh. Damn hilarious when me & belle were dancing the wrong steps. LOL!

Oh ya, there's also filming of the HEYGorgeous at the atrium. And Congrats Angelia who emerge as the Flower.

It's also SHUMAN's b'day that day.
HAPPY 17th B'DAY sweetie pie. ['',]

!@#$%^&*

ALRIGHT! Back to work.

Note to self:
- MIEC Feb 2007 paper
- Oligopoly tutorial
- Correlation & Regression tutorial
- MIEC artice analysis

Bye! =D

CAREBEARS unite :D

Had OB lecture yesterday morning and we pon CIP lecture coz it's way way too boring. Had pbl presentation, kinda screwed up but since it's over, then forget it. Worst part of the day came. Really feel very angry when people dun bother to pick up your calls & reply sms. ): Mood was ruined and..

Savers of the day; CS and elycia. So was really madness laughing n catching up w 'em. They even tried to physco me not to go for stats tutorial. But I din pon of course. So the short tutorial ended and I went to find em. They were playing some lame games and elycia was so hooked to it. So dat cs just act accidentally hit the switch and ta daa, the whole screen gone. So off we bused to JE.

It was total madness when we keep on laughing on the bus.

Had dinner at some coffee shop. Pop over to JEC to take neoprints. WHEEEEEEEE. Been very long since we took neos tgt. And they took it w/o me some time ago. ): Oh well nvm, since we took already. We just pratically hog on to the machine for quite sometime, hugging and posing. CAREBEARS reunite! Had a fun time decorating it and stupid ah soon just suck at it. And there's one shot whereby ah soon is like a pervert. Closing his eyes while all of us hugged together. Lol!

Sat at Mac, making noise and trying to make Elycia laugh. She did not really laugh but end up, we 2 laughed like some mad people who just got madcowdisease. So went off at 8plus. Ah soon was so nice that he acc me to take 99 instead of 98. We waited like 1234254679768 million of years. While waiting, we just continue the MADNESS. He loves to act as carebear and imitate the voice. Damn funny. Bringing in other characters like PO and his-all-time-favourite teletubbies. I shall make him do it again some other time. Peeps at the bus stop must be thinking why are this 2weirdos doing there. LOL!

p.s. AH soon, tag!!!.. always blog hopping here and there but never tag. BOos!













overdued-neos from qiuping's bday =)

It's Friday again. CATS presentation tml! and dance your way through the last working day of the week. Wheeeeee :D And yeah, belle: I've updated. My one entry is maybe 50posts of urs. =P

Many people walk in and out of your life.

FRIENDS.

Who will be the last few or one standing by?

Will it be you? Or maybe not.

Back for updates! Was feeling very wore out for the past few days and it was as if I am racing against time. It was really madness having to sleep at wee hours when many are soundly asleep. My eye bags are getting out of control.

Sunday night:

Guess what, I slack the whole weekends with the mindset to study for sat and sun noon. The determination just wasn’t strong enough to pull me off to get me settling down for next’s day stats. So I only started practicing the questions at night. Watching the hours passed and it was freaking 3am and I still confuse with sampling dist. Did few tutorial questions and I was chased to bed. Due to the fact if having to wake at 6plus ltr for school. At that point of time, I wasn’t tired at all. But still I slept.

Mon

Woke up at 6plus and I got severe headache. Just so pain till the extent that I almost din went school. Reached school damn early. The bus is just so fast and zooooooooom… I reached at ard 8.25. So I waited for belle and val to reach. Devon also reached very early so he came over and wait for them. I wasn’t myself today. As in my behavior was quite hilarious. Did some silly acts. Ok only those who know will get what I am talking abt. =/ my brain like not functioning for the day.

During CIP, Mr Chee is not happy with us about the progress of our pbl case. So we decided to meet up the next day and work on it. Since most of the projects on hands were done.

Had stats test at 5pm. And bused home with buddy coz she came all the way from TJ to meet me. =)

Happy birthday to Joshua! The npcc dude. Heh was too busy and forgot to drop you an sms. But it’s the thought that counts (: funky seventeen.

Tue

Met val and belle for breakfast! At KAP’s mac! Woots. Hotcakessssss and hashbrown. =) took pictures with hamburglar & Ronald!

Haha. We were late coz Joshua reached already. =/ but devon was later. We got into a vacant room and start doing our elearning stuffs first. The guys found sunzi vacant so we shifted there. 10 seaters. Got chased out after an hour or so. And we got into another room. Got chased out again after an hour again. Gave up the thoughts of rooms so we went level 3 for tables. We bumped into ernie and so we just settle there to do our project.

Got the proposal done, just need all the details in. Website was done by devon, credits to him. Powerpoint slides in progress. Left school only at 8plus at night. WHOA my first time staying in sch till so late. Brain was quite dead after a long day but still…

Spent some time doing stats but somehow it was way too hard. But managed to get the gist of it after quite some time..

Wed

Got back stats result. He was marking our papers when we reached. Phew! Got 91mks. Could have got higher if not for the stupid q4a and the careless mistake of substituting the wrong value in 4c. Feel quite disappointed for not meeting my own expectations. Somehow I feel that the paper this time was too easy, I expected harder questions. It's like easier than the tutorial qns. I should have not spend too much time to study the night before.

Thurs

B comm. Short report test. Well just whack the paper. Lunched at clubhouse with ho and belle. Went to blk 50 to take a look at the building. =/

Bused home and slept for quite awhile. It was a great nap, feels more awake now. (:

Chatted with zhumimi online with another 20plus classmates. Not on casino but random topics. SIM and movies. Haha. She's quite a fun tutor. ['',]

Fri

Yeah it marks the end of the week =D Yeahness. Was late for 5min for CATS. Coz the lifts are all packed with sardines. Oh i mean human beings. Haha! Yup so was late and the mr sugar questioned and I said it's the lift. And almost tripped by the wire of the OHP. Gosh. Bad omen for Friday the 13. He suaned everyone who came late and using the lift as example. -.- So during class tried to up participation by asking QUESTIONS. He love students who ask many many questions.

Class end early and went to canteen. We had CUPCORNS! :) Met the rest of the DS peeps at atrium and went for s&w. Jive. Was made to dance in 3s. So damn paiseh but it was alright I guess. Cha Cha next. ): Horrible forgotten much of it and feels so weird coz hasn't been doing cha cha for quite some time. Next Melvin taught salsa. It is kinda fun. :D Twisting here and there. Had much fun at ds today.

That’s practically a summary of my whole week. Seems very busy yeah. But my time was fully utilized. So weekends is coming. Tutorials and assignments are piled up already. ): presentations..

x. pbl presentation
x. cats presentation
x. bcomm presentation
x. bstats tutorials [this week and next week's]
x. econs tutorial

shall work on them during the wkns. xC

and tml needa meet my MEOWmates for presentation next week. ;D

another oh-my-so-lengthy-entry :D

I hate hypocrites who act! Damn pissed off. I shall not entertain you any longer. I am sick and tired of all that. RAHHHHHHHHHHH~ xC

Those who know will act dunno.
Those who dunno will tend to act know.
How true is this.

Screen shot of my eportfolio for CIP. =D

Screwed up my skin. So I decided to change. How is it? Haha! Just randomly pick this since I have not much time. Still need to revise and practice stats.

Went out with buddy just now :D Stats seriously drive minds crazy. So went out for a walk and photostat my notes. And yah, at the printing shop, someone mistaken me as a staff there and ask me questions and i answered without hesitation. -.-''' I paused and looked at buddy, and realised I'm also not the staff, why did I answer? Then someone else came along after awhile and I almost answer again. Do I look like I'm part of them? Lol.

It feels good to go out with buddy :) Very relaxed and crappy as usual. Destressed. =) We're like fighting over agreeability. So she has to or MUST agree with whatever I say. Feel really touched by her, she told Guo Hao to do something for me although dunno if he will. But still love my buddy to bits and pieces. Such a sweet friend. <3 loves

GREEN DAY - yesterday and today. Live Earth DAY!! SAVE our trees and resources people! Let's love the earth by saving paper and using less plastic before all our resources deplenishes. xD Think buddy influenced me. She always ask me dun take plastic bag whenever I go buy stuffs. Haha! I will soon be the ambassador for saving n protecting society.

Ok shall end with random pictures of the day. Some are taken when I'm really bored.

The rainy morning
I feel like sleeping more
But still, I woke up

Slept for like less than 4hrs
Zoom off to np in zombie state to meet CATS mates at 9am

I was not late (for once) (:
My bad habit

Worked on the assignment that was due ytd
All did not do except one group

CATS definitely killed most of my brain cells >C
HOWEVER I love my CATS mates.
Nice people to work with and talk to =)

Yeah <3 HO xiao BELLE also.

Met Belle.
Forgetful girl who forgets to bring my stats notes ytd
So met up and off we went to lib to study
Did finish my eportfolio (:

Belle vandalised on the table!
Tsk tsk~ :D

Ernie came along.
He took like decades to photostat.

Is my mind suffering from mental block?
Stats somehow just can't keep me awake.

Did my etutorial for OB, 1question undone.
There's still econs & stats. & pbl research for biz.proposal.

Test on mon ):
No school for whole BA on tues :)
It's high class kopi time!
Thurs short report test :) sch ends early

My eyes are giving way.
Maybe I should sleep and wake up earlier to finish revising stats & complete all other unfinished work.

and I just realised it was 070707 !
very special and unique =]


=) I like it that way

It's near the end of the week which means weekend is coming. Somehow time just passed abit too fast. It's like I just had CATS & S&W last Friday, and I'm having it tml again. SLOW DOWN!!! x(

Was blogging till halfway and the electricity just cut. The screen black out and I thought what happen to my lappy. I thought it was spoilt. Damn stuffy and humid. But I still managed to have a soundly nap. Been ages since I took naps. And I'm always sleeping late these days.

Thanks to those peeps who tagged or actually talked to me. & CS who try to ask me to go to his church. Guess I won't go, free thinker (: Felt a lil better but somehow whenever I reached my max, the stress level just keep going higher. I cannot really think properly. =/ I will be just too tired to talk. So people around just needa bear with me. Seeing my split personalities. Can be like crazy now and sadded the next moment. So if you see my face like so sadded like that, maybe you can tell me a joke. If funny, maybe that will bring a smile on my face. If not, then that's sad.

And I really dunno how should I behave or react in some situation. Should i be lame and talk rubbish or just shut up? Just dun feel the same way when I'm with my buds. It can be quite uncomfortable when others dun really appreciate your jokes. Maybe my sense of humour is declining. Is quite hard to find a really v close friend in poly. As compared to friends in pri/sec where you spent 4/6years. Someone you really can clique and get along well. Maybe is just the beginning. So who wanna be my 1st bestie from poly. LOL! Come come~ Registration starts now! Limited vacancies. There are always friends, classmates around.. True friends are quite hard to come by. 3years, I believe there will certainly be one or two. Now only almost 3months. :)

It's really tiring to see the endless load of work piling and piling.

The list that goes on and on:
OB presentation
MIEC pairwork
Stats test on Mon (REVISE!!)
Stats tutorial/ presentation
OB etutorial
CIP eportfolio due Sun. No idea how to use that stupid tool.
CATS 6 thinking hat due tml!

Sometimes I just hope I can just throw all the work aside and sit there stone, no doing anything. However this is like only a wishful thinking of mine. Just wanna clear all asap. The work just get on my nerves at times.

Tuesday 03/07

Had OB presentation so had to dress in formal wear. It feels quite weird initially. Saw my primary school friend and she thought I was going to work -.-‘’’ But reached school, saw quite a lot of people also in formal wear so it feels rather ok. Met up my group and went to class. The presentation is so-so, but it’s always bored to listen to presentation so almost like no one really paying attention. Once again, I think i screwed up coz I din really interact with the rest, reading from the q-card. Well, now that it’s over. It feels good!

It was a HOT day for me coz I wore all black. Still need to walk all the way to LT45, all the way back at the engineering block. We learnt about t-table today. I was talking to val about is there coffee table. And that lecturer mention there’s t-table but no coffee table. Lol! Made me laugh like some madwoman. So our class had a special guest for econs. It was damn funny coz they used my lappy to present the answers. And Jiande’s msn keep popping up. Then my tutor was like going whoa who’s that. Then the guys sabo-ed ranald by changing their nick to ranald and had pop ups conversation.

Wednesday 04/07

Did not pon the lecture coz Beata’s card was with me. Attended the as-usual-boring lecture. I think do not really need to attend OB coz we can understand it on our own too. =x Had 4hrs break. Went to lib to do stats. Had lunch and continued with it till 3pm. I managed to do some questions. However still need to practice more for the upcoming test on mon. Shrugs. I hate MCQs. Deducted 12mks from there and 3mks from the answering part, so I got a lousy B for stats. Good that the final exam don’t have mcq.

Thursday 05/07

B comm. Day! Wheeee. It was a short day for me. Came up with Ho Xiao Belle during the report writting. It will be like so unfair if we just write one person's name so I came up with that. Sounds abit weird, it is a name for 3. Val's surname, my middle name and belle's.

Got 11.5/20 for my email test. Grrr forgot to write Subject. And the person who marked it was like stricter than my tutor. That person’s class was worst! As my tutor marked theirs. It is like so unfair. Awwww~

Just got to know some news which is really making me feel like so disappointed in that someone. Making use of friends & their trust. How evil can that person be. Grrrr..

Gotten some sleep and mug my way through at night. I do not want Bs anymore. B+/As are most welcome. =) Who on earth with the right mindset wants B or C? T_T

What a long entry. Maybe I will not be updating any long entries till... Not sure~ :D

Some random photos took when I went to get my formal wear w sis & on qiuping’s birthday.

HAPPY 19^th B’day QIUPING (:

"Winners are losers who got up and gave it one more try."
— Dennis DeYoung, songwriter and member of the pop rock band Styx (b. 1947)


"What does not destroy makes me stronger."
— Friedrich Nietzsche, German philosopher (1844-1900)


I guess that's life. So i will not let anything destroy me.

The world is a harsh and complex place to live in. Can i just disappear?
Disappointments set in from all directions; friends, family...

I had enough. I couldn't take it anymore. When he shouted those words at me, I just bang the door and left for school. Why is it always that the elders are always right and the younger one is always at fault. This is not the first time. It happened in the past, now and.. Future.. Who knows? I felt really devastated and my tears are just rolling in my eyes. I felt that sharp pain within me. But who can I confide in? I did not want to bother my friends so I kept it to myself. On the bus rides to school, just kept thinking about what had happened earlier. And I couldn't help it and teared. What is a home actually? I don't know how to answer this question. A complete family on the surface but a broken one in fact. Just a place to sleep in? I don't know. Do your family members really dote on their children? Perhaps there's exception. I no longer believe there's such thing as family warmth.

Foolish thoughts set in. Looking at those buildings, suicide came to mind. But I wouldn't commit suicide coz I know it's damn foolish. I wonder if anyone will cry for me when I'm gone one day. I hope nobody will grieve over it. Don't be upset.. Anyway I won't make any difference to this world. How I wish I'm never born in the first place... Can I just get away from all this shit or just vanish into the thin air and bid goodbye to the harsh reality.

I will try my best to keep life going..

When it is really too much to take...just letting out my frustrations.
I'm just a fool.